Man, this is going to be our most rocking tour ever!
Yeah!
Hey, dudes, check out the debut of my new look.
( all laughing )
Whoa! What's that on your head?
Yeah, is that a wig or a pile of toilet paper?
Come on, guys, give it a chance.
Let me try it on.
Hey! You've revealed my shiny dome.
Hot potato! Catch!
Give it back, man.
lf you want it, you got to catch it, dude.
Oops!
Oh, man! My beautiful wig!
I'm ready!
I'm read...
Ah...
What is this?
Curly tresses? Poofy texture? ltchy scalp?
It's a wig!
Hi, Patrick. How do you like my new look?
Ahh!
I'll save you!
What are... you doing?
l'm saving you from that brain-eating alien
that's attacking your ( grunts ) head!
Patrick, the only thing attacking me is you!
Oh. Sorry.
It's okay.
Why did you do that? ( gulps )
( belches )
I thought it was a new type
of cotton candy you wear on your head.
Well, it's not, but that is an excellent idea.
Then what is it?!
It's my new look.
I'm wearing a wig.
A wig?
( laughing hysterically )
Oh... Oh, I can't... Oh...
Oh, I can't stand... Oh...
( panting )
Oh... Oh, boy.
Don't you think that's a little silly?
( alarm clock ringing )
Oh, man! It's time for my weekly condiment soak.
Do you mind?
Nice wig. ( snorts )
Thanks. I am very fashionable today.
Hey, Square Fashion.
Nice couture.
Why, thank you.
So, that, huh?
Nice 'do, SpongeBob. ( stifled laugh )
Yeah. Where can I get one?
( both laughing )
Wow!
That wig really suits you.
( all laughing )
( snoring )
Hi, Squidward!
What? What? What What? What? How?
Notice anything different about me today, Squidward?
Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh?
Huh?
Nope.
I'm wearing a wig.
Oh, yeah. How could l have missed it?
Can you believe I found it lying around in the street?
Amazing.
If you want to, after work, we could go look for a wig for you!
I can't wait.
Wig away!
Whoo-hoo!
Order up, Squidward!
Mr. Krabs!
I've served a lot of junk here,
but a hair patty?
Hmm.
SpongeBob!
Yes, Mr. Krabs?
What in Davy Jones' locker is on your head, son?
Oh, that's my new wig, Mr. Krabs.
Well, take it off!
The hair's getting into the patties!
Take it off?
But I can't, Mr. Krabs.
My wig makes everyone so happy.
Happy?
Ever since I began wearing it,
everyone I see gets a big grin on their face.
I can imagine.
Oh, please let me
keep it, Mr. Krabs.
Well, if it means that much to you, you can keep it.
But you got to wear a hairnet.
And, if I see one more hairy patty, your wig goes
in the Dumpster.
There you are, SpongeBob.
Are you ready for karate prac... tice?
l see you've noticed my new wig.
Pretty impressive, huh?
It's, uh... great, SpongeBob.
( stifling laughter )
( laughing uncontrollably )
Glad you like it.
l'll see you later, Sandy.
Two Krabby Patties and a side order of lookin' good.
Nice wig.
Like to keep in style, huh?
You know it.
Off to meet the queen, Sir Nerd Leroy?
Ah, the name is SpongeBob,
and no, I am not meeting royalty.
You must be referring to my r-r-regal appearance.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Whoa! ( crashing )
( all laughing )
Thank you all for your kind words.
I wish I could give you such nice wigs.
How about a little off the top?
Yeah, your wig's big enough to go around.
This isn't good.
Everyone's getting jealous.
Squidward, I'll be hiding
in the kitchen if you need me.
Hide your shame, SpongeBob.
Hide your shame.
RECORD PRODUCER: Well, well, well.
Ned and the Needlefish.
You're fired. ALL: Fired?!
But why?
Ask Baldy McBaldyson over here.
Ned! Ned! Ned!
Good going, dude.
I can't help not having hair!
When we formed this band, it was for one reason
and one reason only.
To make a lot of money.
And you not having hair
is getting in the way of that!
We are selling records, not denture cream.
Either you come back with hair,
or don't come back at all!
MR. KRABS: Time to go home, boys!
Almost finished!
See, Squidward?
It's functional, too.
It's about as functional as your brain.
Ha-ha, ha-ha; thank you, Squidward.
That wasn't a compliment!
The entire town is laughing at you!
I don't understand.
Just look at yourself!
Hello, handsome.
( sizzles )
SpongeBob, your head is
twice as large as before.
Mm, I've never been tall before.
That wig is infested with parasites!
( giggling )
That tickles!
Can't you see how ridiculous you look?
I think that it looks cool.
( laughing )
You wouldn't know cool
if I locked you in the freezer.
For your information, Mr. Krabs,
Squidward has locked me in the freezer,
so I think I know what cool is.
You stop wearing that nasty thing to work.
But, Mr. Krabs...
No "buts."
So, I can't have a wig or a butt?
No, SpongeBob.
It means, until you get rid of that wig,
get your butt out of here!
I never got a chance to talk to SpongeBob yesterday.
I was laughing too hard.
SpongeBob?
Huh?
Hi, Sandy. What do you think?
We need to talk.
SPONGEBOB: Why would I want to get rid of my wig?
Look how happy it makes everybody. ( laughter )
Well, it does attract a lot of attention.
I know! People just can't keep their eyes off of me.
Neither can I, SpongeBob.
It's true, Tom, this isn't my real hair.
I stole it.
Pardon me. Excuse me.
Pardon me. Pardon me.
Whoa!
( straining )
Hey, the wig broke my fall.
Mm, popcorn.
( loud chomping )
( slurping )
Ah, you always come through for me.
Hey, buddy, do you mind?
Shh!
It's very rude to talk
during a movie. ( growling )
Um, SpongeBob?
You too, Sandy.
( whispering ): People are trying to watch the movie.
Well, they can't.
Look, your stupid wig
is blocking the whole screen.
Take it off, jerk!
Hey! Down in front! Take the wig off!
People, return your attention to the movie!
I know my wig is glamorous and exciting,
but there is no need to start a riot.
That's a great idea.
Let's start a riot!
Ahh!
( screaming )
Get him! Get him!
l told you that movie was terrible.
Now do you see what I'm saying, SpongeBob?
I guess you're right, Sandy.
I got so much enjoyment out of the wig myself,
I assumed everyone else did, too.
It's time to be strong.
I know.
I just want you to know that...
( sniffling ): even though I didn't know
you existed a few days ago,
l can't imagine life without you.
Hurry up, SpongeBob.
No matter what they say,
you'll always be cool to me.
l'll never accessorize again.
You did the right thing, SpongeBob.
Where am I going to get some hair?
My career is ruined.
Ruined!
( sobbing )
( gasps )
Can it be?
It is! My wig!
Yes! Victory is mine!
Wigs!
Wigs, wigs, they're everywhere.
Oh, he's got your hair.
Thank you.
SpongeBob!
Patrick!
At least he's not wearing a wig.
Look at my new wig.
Everyone's wearing wigs!
Everyone!
I'm starting to feel a little betrayed.
Hey, you made fun of me yesterday.
I thought powdered wigs were uncool.
Yeah, they were.
But look.
Wow, Ned and the Needlefish
wearing my wig.
So, I was cool before anyone else?
Yes, you were.
But not anymore.
See ya!
I wish I had a wig.
Don't be sad, SpongeBob.
You can borrow one of mine.
Just wash it before you return it.